MCDONALD: Columnist talks about life as he knows it

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July 8, 2009

By TIM MCDONALD The News and Tribune Wed Jul 08, 2009, 10:52 AM EDT

“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” — Henry David Thoreau

• • •

What do we expect from life? There are great ambitions among some of us at some point or another to do great things, but as Garrison Keillor speaks of his early fear of “living an ordinary life,” he then concludes — “That’s what we all get. Ordinary lives. And it is good enough.”

Three weeks ago, my wife and I were at a graduation party of one of my seniors. Across the table from us was a young man who graduated from my class four years prior.

We talked about what was going on in his life. He spoke of being gainfully employed and making decent money and then he looked at us — the old people sitting across from him — and asked a question.

“Is this all there is to life? I mean, getting up, going to work and coming home and doing it again day after day till you die?”

Before I could respond, my wife jumped in and said, “Yes, that is pretty much it.” My wife paused for a long time as she usually does in a long conversation. (I was thinking, “My gosh, he’s just 22 and you just shot down the rest of his life.”) Thankfully, she broke the pause with a bit of advice.

She said you must find your passion; what interests you so that your work does not become just a job. She told him that she has been a nurse for many years, but the profession is her passion.

While the job can become routine, she has a passion for what she does in helping people when they are vulnerable with illness. She also finds satisfaction and fulfillment in her family which, as she said, when all is said and done, grounds you and gives you purpose.

We eased his concerns about living a life of desperation by encouraging him to explore — while he was young — the things that interested him, to find his passion. Of course, there is the other end of the spectrum where one pursues a passion to such a degree that they become isolated and lose touch with themselves

Recently, the “King of Pop” Michael Jackson passed away of a cardiac arrest. Allegedly, Michael had been using and abusing prescription pain killers for years, culminating with — again, allegedly — Diprivan. It is used only in operating theaters to induce unconsciousness before other anesthetizing drugs are given.

Addictions to drugs have a variety of beginnings, including drugs given for the pain of a physical injury. Many times, people morph their use of prescription pain killers to help dull the ache of emotional pain. We do know that Michael spoke of the demanding father of his youth and alleged that there was high pressure to perform along with physical and emotional abuse.

Whether or not his father would have pressured the performer, Michael would have been discovered by someone. However, pressure and the loss of childhood years — he performed regularly and intensely since the age of 5 — most likely locked Michael emotionally at a young age.

How great must be your emotional pain that to numb it you need Diprivan? Just as measures must be taken to heal physical pain, measures and treatment are needed to heal emotional pain. Self-medicating is a dangerous endeavor. In the case of Jackson, using Diprivan — which requires being on monitors — is about as dangerous as playing Russian roulette.

So much of our culture in the United States is wrapped around and fascinated with becoming a star or exceedingly wealthy. Americans compete for money (“Who Wants to be a Millionaire?”) career breaks in entertainment (“America Has Talent,” “American Idol”) and a variety of reality shows looking for just a bit of fame. Perhaps we look at fame as a salve to our ordinary lives.

Along with fame comes the consequences of every statement, every action you make under the public scrutiny of the press. Your life is constantly under scrutiny for an angle for a story. Many who have gained fame, including presidents, long for privacy and elements of a normal life.

The ultimate balancing effect is to develop close relationships with family and good friends. I have been fortunate in my life to have traveled the world. I have met fascinating people that I never would have met otherwise.

However, today I live for those moments to play with and enjoy the company of my grandchildren.

Going back to what Garrison Keillor said, “That’s what we all get. Ordinary lives. And it is good enough.”

So to my young friend, pursue your passions but stay close to your friends and family and a set of core values that keep you making good decisions.

Tim McDonald can be reached at timothy.mcdonald@agsfaculty.indwes.edu

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