CUMMINS: Keep politics out of the Super Bowl

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Terry Cummins

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January 30, 2012

By TERRY CUMMINS Local Columnist The News and Tribune Mon Jan 30, 2012, 01:20 AM EST

FLOYD COUNTY — The Super Bowl is nigh. The presidential election is later. The Super Bowl teams knock heads to determine the winner. The presidential candidates do the same. They should know better, but they don’t. Football and politics are similar in that neither makes much sense. Both cost fortunes, both slam people around and neither is a winner for very long. The advantage a football game has over a presidential election is that the game does not go on forever. It’s a game and nothing more, whereas politics is everything. Then why don’t we throw big presidential debate parties? No one would show up, and if they did, they’d throw up.

Despite poking fun at government, not government itself, but the “officials,” who run it, we should be grateful for them. I know it’s hard, but look at what they do to, and for you. Take the Super Bowl. Did you know that Indiana will protect fans from crime at the Super Bowl and other places sometimes?

Let me set the stage. An estimated 150,000 rowdy fans will flock to Indianapolis to party and spend money like crazy. Local government officials want America to envy Indiana, a Heartland state, which has not dropped into the squalor as has New York and California. Officials intend maintaining local values, therefore taxi drivers were enlisted to help reduce crime by keeping sex-traffickers off the streets. Sex sociologists say that sex workers find greater employment at the Super Bowl than any other event. (I am not making any of this up.)

Taxi drivers are the eyes, ears and pulse of the nation because they see and hear stuff you wouldn’t believe. In preparation for the game, city government is training taxi drivers to spot individuals swarming Indy streets to traffic in sordid sex. According to a CNHI reporter, “More than 700 taxicab drivers have taken part in Super Service hospitality training, which includes a session on sex-trafficking and fast-tracked legislation aimed at cracking down on the crime.” Apparently, unless sex-trafficking is curtailed, the streets will be clogged preventing fans from going to the game.

As we know, government frequently bogs down. A harsh sex-crime bill was sent to the House, but the Democrats weren’t there. They had walked out in a bitter dispute over passage of a right-to-work law. Does this mean liberals want to prevent ladies of the night and day from hailing cabs? Not necessarily, because a number of both noted Democrats and Republicans were caught indulging in sexcapades in larger squalid cities. As I understand, these free-enterprise women merely want the right to work in what’s considered the world’s oldest profession, which they claim provides goods and services that assist their clients in the pursuit of happiness.

Before you jump to conclusions, I believe in capitalism, free trade and jobs, but am not supportive of Ponzi schemes, Wall Street criminals or sex traffic on any street. And I do not condone corporations giving large sums to politicians, who prostitute themselves in order to pay back the corporations. Nor do I approve of a presidential candidate with income of nearly $57,000 per day, paying only a 14 percent tax rate.

So it’s Super Bowl week and what’s a struggling cab driver to do? Let’s say he picks up a suspicious lady, clad provocatively. Should he call the crime hotline? The police rush in blocking traffic again. Does government shackle his passenger and pay his fare?

If free markets determine the price of goods and services, the governor of Indiana should check out ticket scalpers loitering in parking lots. The Indianapolis Star reported that Super Bowl tickets on the open market are going for about $3,000 and parking will cost $200. Apparently, it’s not a crime.

An online poll revealed that 15 percent of men said they would miss the birth of their first child to attend a Super Bowl game. Newt Gingrich’s third wife is in the hospital expecting. Does he debate, or not? It was only a few years ago when we were concerned about terrorists at events such as the Super Bowl, but how times change. Cabbies in Indy eliminated the need for the Department of Defense.

I can’t go to the game, don’t have the taxi fare, but predict the Giants-Patriots game will end in a tie, necessitating the Supreme Court determining the winner, as in Bush vs. Gore. Glory to the winners until they lose and most do, but quirky life goes on.

Contact Terry Cummins at TLCTLC@AOL.com.

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