HARBESON: Have faith in marriage

By Debbie Harbeson

The comments of those promoting the use of force against gay marriage make it seem like suddenly all heterosexual marriages are going to somehow spontaneously combust if government doesn’t do something.

The usual objections about this topic make me think of two kids in the back seat of a car where one child says, “Mom! Make him quit it! He’s bugging me!”

Mom, squinting in the rear view mirror, replies, “What’s wrong? What’s he doing? Did he hit you?”

“Well, no. But he’s drawing what I’m drawing! He’s copying me!”

“So?”

“But he can’t do that! I thought of it first. It’s not right.”

“Oh my goodness, he’s not hurting you. Work on your own picture and leave him alone.”

Moms intuitively know if they get involved in these types of arguments, then the battles, and her consequent refereeing, will never end.

It’s the same thing when there are differences over how adults choose to live their lives. We should admit that if a gay couple gets married, it neither helps nor harms heterosexual marriage. Well, okay, it could be a bit of an embarrassment if it ends up being a married gay couple who finally figures out how best to handle the disagreements over which way to put on the toilet paper roll.

The current amendment debate is just another example of manipulation by those who benefit from keeping such government battles alive. Rather than supporting married couples by encouraging them to spend more time together, communicating and becoming more deeply committed each day, they tell them they need to go out and tell others how to live their lives.

It’s odd that people who feel strongly about the morality of this issue also believe just as strongly in their right to control their family’s lives outside of government involvement. They would react in anger if someone tried to use the government to force couples to have, say, only a limited number of children, or to tell them they must vaccinate these children against sexually transmitted disease.

In addition, saying government force is necessary to protect the sanctity of marriage makes no sense because sanctity is about religion. The religious meaning of a union is something completely separate from government and has nothing to do with statutes or amendments, legislators or voters. Churches already have differing views in how they handle even heterosexual marriage because what may be valid in one church is not necessarily valid in another. When people don’t agree, they simply leave that particular church; they don’t attempt to use government force to get their way. So it’s ultimately each individual couple’s decision how to handle their commitment to each other and society’s only role is to assist in handling any contractual disputes resulting from a divorce.

It takes a lot of time, energy and love to maintain a healthy, happy marriage and spending it fighting against others who only want to do the same is a huge waste of time. Show your support of marriage by living it yourself, by carefully choosing your life partner, by constantly striving for a healthy marriage, one full of commitment and trust. Couples show the meaning and value of marriage by their actions and behavior toward one another. Government can’t do that.

If you strongly disapprove of gay marriage on moral grounds, I respect that, but find ways outside of government force to persuade others to agree with your moral views. To do otherwise only helps legitimize the use of government force against your own family. It’s really simple for heterosexual and gay alike: just follow the Golden Rule.

Sellersburg resident Debbie Harbeson and her husband recently improved their marriage by giving up on the toilet paper roll argument and switching to corn cobs. Write her at Daharbeson@yahoo.com.

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