GUERILLA MOTHERING: ‘SuperMom’ vs. Suleman

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March 1, 2009

By LESLEA HARMON The News and Tribune Sun Mar 01, 2009, 12:58 AM EST

I’m not going to lie, I think it’s a little strange that California mom Nadya Suleman chose to have her many children despite her inability to provide for them. In case you haven’t heard, the “Octuplet Mom” is on food stamps and living with her parents.

Grandma and grandpa have gone on record criticizing their daughter for conceiving these last eight — of 14 — through controversial methods. It’s not the obvious choice, no question about it. Common sense tells us if you can’t afford to buy groceries, you probably can’t afford elective conception methods, let alone more kids.

But why in the world are people so angry at this mother? FOX News and NBC have both run stories questioning the woman’s sanity, and theorizing that she must be trying to emulate Angelina Jolie, who famously loves motherhood. They speculate she’s had plastic surgery to look like Jolie and wonder if her sperm donor looks like Brad Pitt.

Talk about tacky! But it gets worse.

Since it was revealed that Suleman is not financially solvent, the hospital where she delivered has received phone calls from people saying they hope her eight fragile children die.

Wishing death on a baby? I’m not sure someone with a heart for death to children is the kind of person I want to rub shoulders with. How about you?

Heaven only knows how she can afford a publicist, but Suleman has one — and according to him, she’s received a “torrent” of death threats. I doubt anything will actually happen to her, but what if it did? Where would that leave those children? Being raised by two aging, resentful grandparents? Great. A real win-win.

Class act FOX News talkshow host Bill O’Reilly has suggested that the children be put up for adoption. “I’m calling for the state of California to remove them from the home,” he said on his cable show. O’Reilly and his cronies speak of the piles of laundry in the house and of food on the walls. “It’s squalor,” said O’Reilly comrade Margaret Hoover.

As someone who has to work long hours in order to feed my kids, this is disturbing stuff.

My house sometimes has food on the walls. Right now, Sharpie markers pose a greater threat. But the point is, you just never know what young kids are going to get into. What will I find stuck to the hardwood? Last week, there was a great deal of Moon Sand in the carpet. It took us hours to clean up, working in shifts.

As for laundry, mine is epic, and only five people live in my house. I’m not washing clothes for 17 people! I can’t even get my head around how many hours per day that would take to fold. I wonder if Bill O’Reilly has ever done laundry for 17 people, and then had to clean food off the walls afterward. Of course not, because he’s too smart to get himself in that position, right?

Honestly, attitudes like this just encourage the “SuperMom” problem. We’re supposed to feel like better parents because our lives are not so publicly out of control. We didn’t choose to have 14 kids, so we must be better people. The catch is, competitive mothering is not good for families and it’s not good for children. Practice living without mercy, and you’ll raise unmerciful kids. Will you want unmerciful kids when you’re old and infirm?

The fact that people actually are suggesting killing off the newborn babies of low-income parents is too Nazi Germany for my taste. Is this America, or isn’t it? How about assigning a social worker to the case? Do we have to round up the firing squad, right off the bat?

If we’re going to threaten the lives of parents who can’t afford to care for their children, lots of people should start wearing bullet-proof vests. Times are hard, and 2.6 million jobs were eliminated last year. It might surprise you how many of your neighbors hit the Food Bank just to eat, even in expensive neighborhoods.

I believe whole-heartedly in that old saying, “God doesn’t make mistakes.” I could get worked up about Suleman, cook up some inflammatory comments, and probably direct a lot of traffic to my Web site, so I could cash in on her story just like everyone else. But that wouldn’t make me winner of the SuperMom contest. No one ever wins that game.

As taxpayers, we voice our opinions about government benefits with our votes. If you live in California like the Sulemans, talk to your representative. The rest of us will have to make due with butting in closer to home.

Leslea M. Harmon is mom to three active young boys and a freelance writer in New Albany. Reach her through lmharmon.com or via e-mail at leslea.harmon@gmail.com.

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