CUMMINS: Is it time to redeclare our independence?

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July 5, 2009

By TERRY CUMMINS The News and Tribune Sun Jul 05, 2009, 02:36 AM EDT

Back in 1776, John Adams wrote to his wife, Abigail, predicting that Independence Day “will be celebrated by succeeding generations ... with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires and illuminations from one end of the continent to the other from this time forward forever more.”

That was before politicians began focusing their affairs away from tyrannical foreign nations to foreign mistresses.

It was a great day in our history, but is it time to declare our independence once again? From whom, you ask?

The government, that’s whom — which is headed by President Barack Obama, who says he is a Christian, but descended from a Muslim, which raises all sorts of questions. Can a Christian trust a Muslim, and vice-versa? And should a Christian governor shack up with an Argentinean?

The governor of South Carolina, a staunch family values state, went on an economic development mission to Argentina, which actually hurt the economy in his state. But let’s not rush to judgment. He wants to fall back in love again with his wife, which is a state’s right. Give him some time. Let’s skip the sex and religious issue; it’s too entangled and complex.

However, our forefathers didn’t have sex when they were in Philadelphia while their wives remained in places like Boston.

How do we know this? There were only three people working in the media back then, and they couldn’t cover everything. And it was a time when government wasn’t snooping in our bedrooms, listening to our phone conversations and snatching up our e-mails.

Now I don’t want to come down too hard on our president. But I’ve been listening to FOX News and they say he’s a socialist, bordering on a fascist and throwing money around like it was crunched beer cans at a Fourth of July picnic.

FOX says the president is weak, allowing Iran and North Korea to push him around. Where’s the backbone of the triumvirate — George W., Cheney and Rumsfeld, who’s hiding out?

We bombed Baghdad six years ago and look how that turned out. Why doesn’t Obama hit Tehran and Pyongyang now and see how that turns out? I know he’s only been in office for six months, but why isn’t the economy booming, the ice cap refreezing and everybody healthy?

It’s at a point where a “free” individual can’t take economic risks anymore. Look at Bernie Madoff, who tried helping people get rich. Now he has to spend his next 150 years on a chain gang.

Big government is increasingly regulating our lives. We need look only at two issues — the health care mess and the smoking ban. If you get a sharp pain in your lower abdomen, do you want to submit a form to the Bureau of Appendectomies? And will you need a permit to smoke a legal weed within 3,000 feet of another human being?

Obama has been trying to get a smoking law passed to protect our children. But he admits sneaking smokes in the sacred White House. Imagine the conversation late at night there.

“Barry, your basketball shoes smell like a stale Camel and making me sick.” But if the president needs an occasional smoke to settle his nerves, more power to him. The last thing we need now is a hyper president; Congress is hyper enough. Maybe it would help if Congress began each session with a smoke before the prayer.

I’ll give the president six more months, and if things haven’t changed and the government continues regulating my liberty, I’ll submit a Declaration of Independence, which I’m working on:

“When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds, which have connected with another, etc., etc. … We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal. (Baloney.) I know what my unalienable rights are, but I can’t pursue happiness without more funding. Before 1776, we were up against the tyrannical king of Britain, but now are shackled by an empire of disunited states.

“To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world. (I will enumerate only four of 37 grievances.)

“1) Why do I have to wear a seat belt? 2) Why will I have to erect a windmill in my backyard? 3) Why can’t I torture the neighbor whose dog keeps me awake? 4) You keep raising taxes on iced tea. What’s next, water?”

If freedom doesn’t begin to reign, meet me in Philadelphia next January.

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