BY TERRY CUMMINS
Do you ever catch the holiday-season fever, which can be similar to the flu? A year ends with the stressful celebration of peace on earth culminating on New Year’s Eve when alcohol sales explode.
Starting a new year with an ice pack on your head makes about as much sense as dieting on Thanksgiving. Strangely, each holiday has taken on its own symbolic color, a type of food and requires spending a considerable sum of money.
On New Year’s Day, we take down a tree and make resolutions.
“I will not touch a cell phone; I will not allow government upset me; I will eat carrots and broccoli.”
But on Super Bowl Sunday, it’s back to a table covered with salsa, dips, chips and 10 more months of nibbling.
Food has become such an integral part of holiday celebrations with one food group taking precedence. Candy is not good for us, but how can we resist when it’s stocked one aisle over from fruits and vegetables?
You’re down to your last dollar. What’s it going to be, a giant Snickers bar or a cucumber of equal length?
Those with Irish roots go green on St. Patrick’s Day. Invite me to any celebration and I’m on the way, but green cake coloring in the beer? No, thanks, I’ll have a glass of broccoli juice.
On Valentines Day, we celebrate love by giving a box of heart-shaped chocolates wrapped in the color of red-hot, raging blood. If love has consumed you, also give underwear imprinted with sweet little hearts.
The day after Halloween, which is a celebration of a form of paganism, orange-and-black candy is swept off the shelves and replaced with red and green. This gives us an early start in celebrating the manger scene.
Pie is compulsory on two holidays — pumpkin at Thanksgiving and cherry on Presidents Day. George Washington, the father of our political system, could not lie after cutting down his father’s cherry tree. It could have been the last time a politician ever spoke the truth.
The resurrection is celebrated in April with white bunnies, yellow baby chicks and an Easter-egg hunt. I don’t get it. And celebrating our independence without hot dogs is like getting a Hallmark card or a lousy phone call on Father’s Day. Gentle, loving mothers get everything on their day. Fathers have feelings, too, but don’t expose them.
Where were we? Oh, the historical significance of the hot dog.
It was a hot day in Philadelphia when our forefathers broke for lunch. Ben wanted to order pizza, but to save time for the signing, Thomas insisted using the vendor out on the street. That’s why the original copy of the Declaration of Independence is stained with yellow mustard.
In early September, we celebrate Labor Day by taking the day off. Doesn’t this seem a bit illogical? If labor is so great and worth celebrating, why don’t we work on that day and stick a flag in the yard and rest on Flag Day?
Holidays are kind of weird, aren’t they? It’s that time of year when we are expected to pause and give thanks for turkeys. But Thanksgiving is somewhat an imposition, because most stores are closed, so there’s not much else to do except eat.
It all began in 1621, when the Wampanoag Indians treated the Pilgrims to “wild fowl.” For all we know, it could have been a buzzard, but was it a turkey with stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, corn, green beans, pumpkin, squash, oyster dressing and cranberries … Cranberries? No.
Since 1621, people like Martha Washington and Martha Stewart have tried cooking cranberries so they taste good. No way to give thanks for cranberry chutney or salsa.
No matter how ridiculous holiday traditions have become, they should be continued, especially Thanksgiving. It is a wonderful day with all the family gathered around the bounty. Being the large head of the family, I’m thankful to make a mess carving the turkey. What makes the difference anyway when it’s smothered with giblet gravy?
The day after Thanksgiving is the day we begin the very demanding ordeal of, “don’t forget someone.” Christmas shopping is no problem for me. I do it the day after Valentines Day when I can buy 37 boxes of heart-shaped candy at half price.
Celebrating love and giving thanks should be a daily routine, although we’d all have a severe weight problem.
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