All marriages, including those made in heaven, undergo stress and conflict. The primary causes of marital discord are economic or sexual malfunctions (credit cards and mood swings), but conflict often intensifies when the husband has a job that would drive anybody nuts.
Barack and Michelle don’t see each other much anymore due to scheduling conflicts. When Barack is in, say, China, Michelle is tidying up the house. When Michelle is somewhere across our land promoting vegetables and safe children, Barack is back home fighting Congress. When they do see each other, she often gets the feeling he’d rather be playing basketball.
When both are in town, he comes home from the office, which is downstairs, and his first responsibility is to interact with his two beautiful daughters and Bo, the national dog. Dropping the leash, he rushes in to address the nation and bolster its sagging spirits, brought on by an eight-year war, energy depletion, global heat, unemployment and the huge controversy over the sagging health of the nation. He realizes that as long as tea parties continue in opposition to the public option, which 99 percent of the population doesn’t understand, our nation’s health deteriorates and we get sicker.
It had been another long, trying day when the First Couple went to bed, the first time in a week they’d been alone together. “Tell me about China,” said Michelle.
“I don’t want to talk about China,” the president barked back. “My mind right now is on conservatism, not communism.” He goes on to explain that conservatives are desperately trying to block progress and can do this if they get one more vote to filibuster any hope for our nation.
Michelle tries consoling him, moving closer, touching his damp, clammy skin. He flinches, “Why can’t they regulate the heat in this White House. Tomorrow, I’m calling the Environmental Protection Agency, and tell them I’m burning up. And if you want to talk about China, I’ll talk about China, better than talking about the pigpen in Afghanistan. Don’t leak this to the media, but I went to China to get another loan, and to encourage them to keep sending us cheap Christmas tree ornaments to help so many of our people drawing unemployment”
She interrupted the president, the one person in the world who can do this, “Barry, doesn’t it seem strange to you that a communistic nation is keeping our capitalistic system afloat?”
He kicked off the covers. “Yes, it does, but I’m determined to change the way the world works, and I’m determined to fight conservatism as intensely as the North fought the South to free me. As to China, they’re weird. All was going fairly well there until our motorcade was speeding down Fung Yu Street in Beijing, and I saw a long line of people waiting to get inside a bookstore. I thought, gee, they know I’m here and want to buy my book, ‘The Audacity of Hope.’ That’s strange; they want to give their people hope? So I ordered my limousine to stop, got out, expecting to be swarmed by three thousand of the one billion people in China. ‘Hi, I’m President Obama of the United States and I represent hope for all mankind, which Marx, Lenin and Mao couldn’t do. I’ll be happy to sign my book for you.’” And then his voice trailed off.
He continued on hesitatingly. “The first guy I approached said, ‘No, not hope book, Sarah Palin book.’”
After a considerable pause in the intimate marriage dialogue/ debate, Michelle reached out again, “Oh, Barry, she’s nothing but a flash in a Yukon gold-digger’s pan, but tell me, do you think I’m as sexy as Sarah?”
“Hey, you’re the First Lady and my first and only lady, but I would like to get Sarah Barracuda on the basketball court.”
“She certainly has some sharp teeth,” Michelle explained and then changed the subject. “While you were gone, Fox News said when our daughters reach 18, each will owe the government $73,000 to pay off your health care reform program, but Bo the dog will be covered if not having pre-existing heart worms. I’m worried.”
“Michelle, go to sleep, and let me have a few moments to think about Afghanistan and those crazies at Gitmo I’m bringing to New York.”
Contact TLCTLC@AOL.com., who combats strain.
Columns
Related Photos
Discussion
CUMMINS: Is the First family marriage undergoing strain?
- Columns
-
-
CLERE: Walkout is absurd
The walkout by Indiana House Democrats entered its third week yesterday as tensions continued to rise and misinformation proliferated.
-
LADD: New Albany has new energy
New Albany is evolving. Public art has become more prevalent in the downtown, drawing more locals and outside visitors to our community; bringing more publicity.
-
DODD: Vegas is always a good bet
It was the Dodd family in Las Vegas. We went ostensibly to celebrate my son Cameron’s 17th birthday. That was simply a smoke screen. My real plan was an early retirement from my ill-gotten casino fortune. Before my risky sojourn we had many hours of family fun.
-
STAWAR: I’m not exaggerating, I’m aspiring
Exaggeration is a commonplace phenomenon. For one thing, it lies at the heart of the advertising industry.
-
NASH: Holding officials to higher standards
A few weeks ago in my weekly column, I discussed a growing trend of people, mostly elected officials, who believed that they are above the law.
-
HARBESON: It’s super living in Indiana
My husband and I attend an annual Super Bowl party, which is normally a small gathering of friends, but this year our host’s home was bursting with guests.
-
GESENHUES: The Susan G. Komen precedent
My mom is a breast cancer survivor.
I have walked many a mile in support of the cause and raised a sizable number of dollars for breast cancer research. The Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure initiatives are not lost on me. -
BEAM: Just smile
Whispers will soon abound outside of school as the corporation enters negotiations this summer with the teacher’s union over a new contract. Aides are not covered under the union.
-
HOWEY: Keeping Peyton in the Hoosier pantheon
The critics of keeping Manning suggest he would return to a team struggling to contend. I’m not buying that. The Colts were decimated for a second consecutive year with injuries, particularly on defense. With the top choice in each round, they can quickly reset, as San Francisco and Cincinnati did this year.
-
CUMMINS: How to live a stable life
Then I heard Newt Gingrich say that he will establish a colony on the moon by the end of his second term. I’d vote for him if he would go.
- More Columns Headlines
-
Obama Scraps Birth Control Mandate
US Airmen's Killer Sentenced to Life in Germany
Navy Names Ship for Gabrielle Giffords
Raw Video: Deadly Blasts in Syria
Romney Slams President Obama at CPAC
Gingrich: Pres. Obama 'waging War on Religion'
5 Killed in Wrong-way Crash on I-10 in La.
Uzbek Man Pleads Guilty in Plot to Kill Obama
Denver's Largest-Ever Drug Bust Nets Dozens
Marines: No Punishment for Nazi-like Flag
Vets Look to Translate Military Skills Into Jobs
Raw Video: School Bus Burst Into Flames
LA School Reopens Amid Sex Abuse Scandal
$25B Settlement Reached Over Foreclosure Abuses
Pentagon: Allow Women Closer to Front Lines
LA School in Sex Abuse Scandal Reopens
Raw Video: Italy's Mount Etna Bursts Into Life
Greeks March; Angry Despite Debt Deal
Air Force Airlines: Leaders Get Polished Service
Ga Girl Fights Off Kidnapper at Walmart
