All marriages, including those made in heaven, undergo stress and conflict. The primary causes of marital discord are economic or sexual malfunctions (credit cards and mood swings), but conflict often intensifies when the husband has a job that would drive anybody nuts.
Barack and Michelle don’t see each other much anymore due to scheduling conflicts. When Barack is in, say, China, Michelle is tidying up the house. When Michelle is somewhere across our land promoting vegetables and safe children, Barack is back home fighting Congress. When they do see each other, she often gets the feeling he’d rather be playing basketball.
When both are in town, he comes home from the office, which is downstairs, and his first responsibility is to interact with his two beautiful daughters and Bo, the national dog. Dropping the leash, he rushes in to address the nation and bolster its sagging spirits, brought on by an eight-year war, energy depletion, global heat, unemployment and the huge controversy over the sagging health of the nation. He realizes that as long as tea parties continue in opposition to the public option, which 99 percent of the population doesn’t understand, our nation’s health deteriorates and we get sicker.
It had been another long, trying day when the First Couple went to bed, the first time in a week they’d been alone together. “Tell me about China,” said Michelle.
“I don’t want to talk about China,” the president barked back. “My mind right now is on conservatism, not communism.” He goes on to explain that conservatives are desperately trying to block progress and can do this if they get one more vote to filibuster any hope for our nation.
Michelle tries consoling him, moving closer, touching his damp, clammy skin. He flinches, “Why can’t they regulate the heat in this White House. Tomorrow, I’m calling the Environmental Protection Agency, and tell them I’m burning up. And if you want to talk about China, I’ll talk about China, better than talking about the pigpen in Afghanistan. Don’t leak this to the media, but I went to China to get another loan, and to encourage them to keep sending us cheap Christmas tree ornaments to help so many of our people drawing unemployment”
She interrupted the president, the one person in the world who can do this, “Barry, doesn’t it seem strange to you that a communistic nation is keeping our capitalistic system afloat?”
He kicked off the covers. “Yes, it does, but I’m determined to change the way the world works, and I’m determined to fight conservatism as intensely as the North fought the South to free me. As to China, they’re weird. All was going fairly well there until our motorcade was speeding down Fung Yu Street in Beijing, and I saw a long line of people waiting to get inside a bookstore. I thought, gee, they know I’m here and want to buy my book, ‘The Audacity of Hope.’ That’s strange; they want to give their people hope? So I ordered my limousine to stop, got out, expecting to be swarmed by three thousand of the one billion people in China. ‘Hi, I’m President Obama of the United States and I represent hope for all mankind, which Marx, Lenin and Mao couldn’t do. I’ll be happy to sign my book for you.’” And then his voice trailed off.
He continued on hesitatingly. “The first guy I approached said, ‘No, not hope book, Sarah Palin book.’”
After a considerable pause in the intimate marriage dialogue/ debate, Michelle reached out again, “Oh, Barry, she’s nothing but a flash in a Yukon gold-digger’s pan, but tell me, do you think I’m as sexy as Sarah?”
“Hey, you’re the First Lady and my first and only lady, but I would like to get Sarah Barracuda on the basketball court.”
“She certainly has some sharp teeth,” Michelle explained and then changed the subject. “While you were gone, Fox News said when our daughters reach 18, each will owe the government $73,000 to pay off your health care reform program, but Bo the dog will be covered if not having pre-existing heart worms. I’m worried.”
“Michelle, go to sleep, and let me have a few moments to think about Afghanistan and those crazies at Gitmo I’m bringing to New York.”
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