As we proceed through life, which is measured by reaching a series of milestones, they begin coming in bunches. We either kick them out of our way or give it up? When the pasture we’re in turns stubby brown, we seek a greener one, which often requires jumping over high fences. Why can’t life run smoother without so many barriers and obstacles blocking our way?
One of the first milestones encountered in our development was the first day in the first grade. What a shocker. From that point on, it’s one hurdle after another like the high-school prom when you had the awkward task of pinning flowers on a strapless gown. This eventually led to spending your last dollar on an engagement ring. And then months or years later, the wedding vow. Why the delay? You had to raise the money for the wedding ring.
If this milestone system was designed by a higher power and is locked in, why is it that we’re required to jump and kick our way through life? It’s stressful when the body ages and begins lagging behind the mind. It seems to me that we need more time, and life should become considerably longer before the miles run out.
The first huge milestone I passed was my driver’s license test so I could take girls out, out where? Anywhere, just out, which eventually leads to getting locked in. Pursuing the dynamics between boy and girl had become my dream since age 14. That’s when the intoxicating power of rose-water perfume began causing my heart to flutter. Get a whiff and you’ve lost control of you life from that point on. Little did I know that a driver’s license would lead to a marriage license, and, “I do.” Has a guy ever said, “I don’t.” No, we say, “I do,” having no idea it will be what a wife wants us to do. In his infinite wisdom, why did God give the weaker sex the power to veto a husband’s legislation?
The next hurdle is the responsibility of re-populating the neighborhood. So a nervous expectant father paces around a waiting room chewing on old magazines. “Congratulations, you have a bouncing baby boy.” He’s bouncing? Yes, he will bounce you around until doomsday. If it’s a girl, lock her up for 30 years before giving her away. You’d gladly give your sons away when they pass the driver’s test, but who would ever take them? Walking my daughter down the aisle, it must have been a stone that caused my knees to buckle.
Oh, my God, I’m going to be a grandfather. The future grandmother goes into a kind of ecstatic trance, but remains lucid enough to spend your pension check on baby things. Now don’t take this wrong, but if your grandchildren live down the street, move a state or two away. At least, you’ll get to play golf once a week when not anxiously driving on interstates. Grandmothers get fidgety when they can’t rock their own flesh and blood.
Ultimately, with car insurance and all the diplomas, births, birthdays, weddings, Christmases, open-heart surgeries and Medicare qualification, life has just about passed us by. You’ve jumped, kicked and worn out the padding between every bone in your body, and your neurons don’t move as fast. Take me to the one remaining milestone and place it above my restful head. They’ll put some fresh flowers there, which soon wither, and then are replaced with artificial ones. Before the final sendoff, the last symbol in our remembrance is made of plastic.
When you think it’s getting closer, maybe it’s not. They said he weighed 7 pounds and 14 ounces. I threw the great-grandmother in the car and sped away. How could a six-hour-old baby be so fully developed unless he’s something special? He had my nose, long fingers and hair thicker than mine. They say a newborn baby with a full head of hair indicates his brain will be active and fertile.
Having envisioned a tombstone milestone over my head, it can’t be soon. I’ve got more work to do. A family needs a pillar of strength to latch onto, experience and wisdom to draw on. The pillar on my pedestal has been re-vitalized. And the great-grandmother has more rocking to do. I’ll need to teach Jayden how to fish, pitch and catch. And he’ll be eager to learn about his roots, how his great-grandfather crushed so many rocks back in the old days.
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CUMMINS: The milestones keep piling on
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