“All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things.” — Bob Knight





Recently, I had a few moments alone in the office with the new mayor of Jeffersonville. I had to see it for myself. I had heard about a rumored new addition to the Jeffersonville version of the Oval Office.

The blogs had been buzzing about wasted taxpayer dollars. As I walked in I immediately found my gaze drawn to it. A basketball goal with a see-through backboard was mounted on the wall near the ceiling. Under it on a couch was a basketball.

The stories were true — at least in part. I didn’t see the result of thousands of taxpayer dollars. In fact, Mayor Mike Moore informed me had had paid for the basketball backboard out of his own pocket. He didn’t say who had mounted it. I guess it’s possible that tens of dollars of city payroll might have been used. The following interview is loosely (very loosely) based on that mayoral office visit and the discussion that followed. In fact, none of the following dialogue actually occurred except in my vivid imagination.

Dodd — “Mr. Mayor, I have heard about the renovation and the controversial basketball goal. Now that I see it for myself I understand what all of the hoopla (pun intended) is all about. “

Moore — “Yes, Lindon, it is my version of a stress ball. When the pressure is closing in I will take a few shots to relieve pressure. In fact, my whole mayorship will be determined by the same way we decided important things in my childhood.

Let’s take any major decision about which the people have mixed opinions. Sometimes the people might be split 50-50. I will simply take the basketball and stand behind the decision line taped on my floor and shoot.”

Dodd — “That’s pure genius sir! I remember how many decisions were decided on the courts of Oak Park in just that way. I would suggest such fair decision-making helped us avoid heated arguments or fistfights. “

Moore — “Of course, some decisions will be way too important to decide upon based solely on a made or missed basket. Take for example the canal.”

Dodd — “I am glad to hear that, mayor. On such an important decision to Jeffersonville’s future, it would have seemed a bit trite to simply hit or miss a basketball shot.”

Moore — “You see, that’s when I made it best two out of three as to which way to go. Two out of three was a canal and one or none out of three was underground pipes and a retention pond. I missed the first one and made the second. That third shot rolled around the rim three times before falling out.”

Dodd — “Surely, you don’t mean ...?

Moore — “Yes, we were just a rim roll away from having the canal project. I pulled the shot just an inch too far to the right.”

Dodd — “But sir, you have a city council to deal with and their votes will be necessary to get things done.”

Moore — “Let me show you what’s in the closet (opens the door and there is a rack with nine basketballs). I am very flexible on this part of the decision-making. I and every council member will get a ball during council meetings. I will agree to either a game of horse or simply let the first five who sink a free throw get to have the deciding vote. It’s the most Democratic way to let everyone have a chance at getting their agenda passed.”

Dodd — “But sir, won’t you have the home-court advantage?”

Moore — “Now you see my strategy. I will practice daily. This will be my political leverage.”

Dodd — “Are you sure everyone will buy in to your plan?”

Moore — “Come on, it’s Hoosier Hysteria country. Who will admit to crazy IU, UK, Purdue and U of L fan voters they don’t like basketball? It would be political suicide.”

Dodd — “However, I know some hard decisions will have to involve personnel issues where someone’s career and financial future will be on the line. I am not sure that using a basketball-shooting contest would be an appropriate way to make such life-altering votes.”

Moore — “You have done your investigative homework. I am way ahead of you. I would never base someone’s career on something as trite as a free throw shot. I have an alternate strategy for those kinds of issues and it has nothing to do with basketball.”

Dodd — “I am glad to hear that, sir. I am pretty sure that could result in controversies, lawsuits, etc.”

Moore — “Yes, sir. When it comes to more complicated problems, we won’t solve them on a basketball court. Nope, that’s why I am having a horseshoe pit constructed outside on the courthouse lawn. No leaners though. The shoes will have to be squarely around the pole. I won’t tolerate any indecision when it comes to people’s futures.”

Dodd — “Thanks for the time, mayor. Oh, by the way, what’s that on the wall behind your desk?”

Moore — “That’s the Redevelopment Director dartboard. Here, have a throw.”

Dodd — “Wow! Look at that ... I hit a bull’s eye. It says scrap the new RiverStage II plan. I know, sir, it was just for fun, but what a shot. Being mayor must be a lot of fun!”

— Lindon Dodd is a freelance writer who lives in Otisco and can be reached at lindon.dodd@hotmail.com