By CAROL DAWSON
newsroom@newsandtribune.com
>>SOUTHERN INDIANA —
Some couples say their wedding vows and quickly renounce their promises when the going gets tough; however, that has not been the case for Extra Miler Rex Lander. When he said “I do” to his bride Oct. 21, 1983, Rex took the commitment seriously, especially the vows, “in sickness and in health.”
Rex’s wife, Ann, has been extremely ill since 2004, when she survived a brain aneurysm and numerous subsequent strokes. She has required around-the-clock care for six years. Rex has been told numerous times to gather his family and “prepare for the worst.” Each time, Ann’s faith and will to live pulled her through. She was never alone.
Despite the odds against them, Ann and Rex are determined not to give up. Rex steadfastly insists that he is doing nothing extraordinary and emphasizes that Ann would do the same for him if the tables were turned. He agreed to be interviewed as a means to thank those who have been Extra Milers to him and Ann.
A friend of the family, Diane McMillen, nominated Rex, as she has seen his extraordinary care and perseverance. She explained, “Rex never gives up on Ann … we all should be so lucky to have someone like Rex in our lives.”
After Ann’s aneurysm, Rex was told the brain injury would require his wife to be in a nursing home for the rest of her life. Ann was placed into a nursing home after leaving the hospital; however, Rex quickly realized that she would not get the level of care he expected. He began making the first of many inquiries on Ann’s behalf and soon transferred her to the Southern Indiana Rehabilitation Hospital.
Rex is quite impressed with the quality of care, friendliness and professionalism provided through Southern Indiana Rehabilitation. He and Ann consider the staff to be close friends, and in many cases, like family. Dr. John Shaw, medical director of the Southern Indiana Rehabilitation Hospital, is someone they consider family. Rex explained, “Dr. Shaw has gone far beyond his role as a physician … he has been our advocate, counselor, faith partner and friend.”
Dr. Shaw is equally enamored with our Extra Miler. He described Rex as nothing short of amazing.
“Rex is a model for any caregiver working with a loved one with a major disability,” Dr. Shaw stated. “There is a Godly love between Rex and Ann … this illness is a true test of a rare love.”
There were others Rex wanted to recognize. To be sure he didn’t omit anyone Rex thanks all who have helped, including friends who have come by to visit with Ann, like family friend, Diane McMillen. Diane teases and talks easily with Ann and Rex during her visits. Her presence is clearly appreciated.
Rex also recognizes another friend, Michelle Rowe, who Rex states, “… has really been there for both of us.” There is also Gail Crone, Ann’s daily caregiver, who goes far beyond normal expectations of someone in her position. Dr. Kevin Burke and Dr. Christopher Howerton — and staff members — have also stepped up when called upon to meet Ann’s needs.
Rex is a head-strong advocate for Ann’s care. He explained, “When the insurance company tells me no … I talk, explain, and even plead until I know I have obtained the best care for my wife.”
There are other things Rex does to show his devotion to Ann’s care. He promised her she would never have pressure sores, despite being primarily confined to her bed. Rex researched the best ointment to ensure his wife remains comfortable and found the cost was excessive. He then went to a pharmacist and together they researched the ingredients in the ointment, discovered a way to mix them together effectively, and created an affordable cream that works like the expensive version.
I visited with Ann for this column and was amazed at how well she was doing after just being released from the hospital because of a high fever. As I walked into the front door, Ann called from her hospital bed in the living room, “Hey Carol, come on in.” She remembered me, although it has been many years since our son’s were in the same elementary school class. Ann was clear, concise, and even animated when she spoke.
She talked of her job as a sixth-grade math teacher at Parkview and of the day she had the aneurysm. She talked about how hard Rex works at his full time job with the Census Bureau and at home caring for her.
Rex arrived home from work and immediately began putting laundry in to wash and picking up around the house. He then began pulling together a variety of medical items to care for his wife. He laid out syringes, creams, bandages, and medical equipment on Ann’s bed. It appeared as if surgery was to begin and I was amazed at the ease in which Rex handled these items.
I turned my attention back to Ann and asked her to describe her husband’s dedication. She looked away as she collected her thoughts. “His devotion was evident the minute I woke up in the hospital,” she said softly. “The doctor was trying to tell me what happened when Rex stopped him and said that it was his job.”
Ann’s eyes began to swell with tears and Rex briefly stopped working. Ann struggled with her words as she explained that Rex was the most composed she had ever seen him on that frightening day in the hospital. She recalled that Rex told her, “Don’t worry, Honey, we will fight this and we will fight it together.”
Ann then turned to Rex and said, “I completely trust this man … he has kept me alive all these years, while working full time to pay the bills and keep up our home.” By this time, we were all choking back tears as Ann added, “I know he is lonely; he has been completely focused on caring for me for a long time.” Ann had not completed her sentence before Rex adamantly stated, “Oh no I am not ... I have you.”
Thank you, Rex Landers, for showing the kind of love and devotion that makes you a Southern Indiana Extra Miler.
• Extra Miler Tip of the Month: Advice from Rex: When caring for someone you love, remember perseverance can change a no to a maybe and a maybe into a yes. When the person you love needs help, never give up.
Carol A. Dawson is a resident of Jeffersonville and owner of EEO GUIDANCE, Inc. If you have seen or been a part of an act of kindness or know an EXTRA MILER, please contact her. To submit an Extra Miler, a story, or act of kindness, contact Carol via e-mail: Cdawson@eeoguidance.com or mail: THE EXTRA MILERS, The Evening News, 221 Spring Street Jeffersonville, IN 47130-3340.
