— “I've had more (Twitter) twats that you can imagine about my upcoming Elizabeth and Hammond, Indiana, shows. And I don't know why that amuses me because I think those cities are sort of obscure parts of the state,” begins Kathy Griffin, the comedienne, best-selling author and star of the Bravo network reality series “Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List.”

Interviewed by phone from her Los Angeles home, after Griffin's mention of the Indiana region I suddenly blurt out an apology on behalf of her Kentuckiana fans, as the last time she performed in the area (about six years ago) Griffin experienced a definitive D-List moment on the steps of Louisville's City Hall.

During the ceremony, in which Griffin was being presented the keys to the city; not only was it the deputy mayor rather than the mayor doing the presentation, but when the local news crews scanned the crowd the cameras revealed no more than six people in attendance, all of whom were obviously City Hall employees who'd been dragged out to the front steps to substitute for a lack of attendees. The circumstances of that event were so D-List in fact that Griffin subsequently aired the ceremony on her reality series.

“Can I tell you that it's taken so many years for that scar to heal that that's why it's taken me so long to come back to the region,” Griffin responds in a mock serious tone.

I then tell Griffin how much I enjoyed reading her best-selling memoir “Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin” (Ballantine Books), although I admit to being pulled away from reading it all in one sitting because I couldn't wait any longer to watch that night's recorded episode of Project Runway.

“That is part and parcel,” she responds matter-of-factly to my confession. “I understand that [people] who read ‘Official Book Club Selection’ are going to be pulled away to watch ‘Confessions of an Animal Hoarder’ or pulled away to watch ‘The Bad Girls Club.’ I understand — because that's what the book is for. It's something to read in between watching, of course, ‘Frontline’ and ‘American Masters,’ but more importantly (in between) watching the show ‘I Didn't Know I was Pregnant!’”

Even after winning two Emmy Awards, so outside is this Hollywood insider to this day, that I tell Griffin I got the distinct impression from her book that if a television movie were to be made about her life right now (Bravo network not withstanding) there's a real possibility that someone else would be cast in the role of Griffin. Excuses would range from: “you're too old,” “not pretty enough” to “not likeable enough.”

“I know,” Griffin says in a tell-me-about-it tone, agreeing whole heartedly with my philosophy.

“What's funny is that, first of all, the next show I would really like to do after my reality series ends, and which I think is a natural progression, is a ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ type of hybrid sort of show, where I play myself the way Larry David does and yet the people around me I've cast,” she explains.

“First of all, I've got to give my 90-year-old mother a day off. I mean really, the woman has earned it,” she adds with a sigh, referring to Maggie Griffin, who's a regular on “Life on the D-List.”

“Mom should be able to have wine without a camera always on her,” she implores. “But you never know 'til you know,” she muses about her possible next series.

“It's funny what you said,”  she continues, “because a friend of mine, who is a very established writer came up to me recently and said: 'I was thinking of doing a series based on you, but set at the time where you were starting out.' So I thought that was a flattering way of saying 'but not starring you', cause I'm waaaay too old to play myself.”

When the subject turns to the comedienne's female friends she reveals: “You know I've really made an effort in the last few years to befriend some women who are kind of in my 'club.' I don't mean to name drop, she adds, “but I've reached out to Cher, Bette Midler, Liza Minnelli, Chelsea Handler and Paula Deen for example, asking everything from 'how do you do your business?' to 'how do you keep sane, on camera and off?'”

“In my opinion Paula's in a lot more difficult position than I am,” Griffin suddenly adds, “because unlike me, she actually has to be nice to her fans. Mine expect me to say 'suck it!' But if someone comes up to Paula in person and exclaims 'Wow, you look so much better in person!' she's expected to smile sweetly and say 'Thank you!' I can turn to those same people though and say 'and that's a compliment how? Get out of my way!'”

Griffin concludes her interview by remarking about her upcoming Indiana concerts: “Please put the disclaimer that this is adult content, naughty swearing night. It's an evening of swearing and negativity. And if you don't have anything nice to say come watch me.”

By a happy coincidence two days after interviewing Kathy Griffin I have a phone interview with Paula Deen.

Asked to comment about Griffin, Deen said: “I love Kathy! And she might not want me sayin' this but she's a good girl and a wonderful daughter, who adores her mother. Also Kathy's a great friend. But” Deen pauses a beat, laughs then concludes “I wouldn't want to ruin her reputation by sayin' how nice she is!”



Gioia Patton is an arts and entertainment celebrity profiler who resides in Louisville.