MOD MOM: Hoping for a return to the backyard birthday

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February 2, 2010

BY LISA HURT KOZAROVICH The News and Tribune Tue Feb 02, 2010, 03:47 PM EST

Years ago, when I was working as a reporter in southern Connecticut, I wrote a story about the over-the-top birthday bash trend for kids. Parents in the region, which includes some of the country’s wealthiest enclaves, were uber-competitive when it came to their tots’ birthdays.

From 3-year-old girls hosting dozens of their friends at high-end salon makeover days to a 6-year-old boy’s circus birthday, complete with elephant rides, parents were willing to spend thousands of dollars to one-up their neighbor and make their child’s birthday the must-attend event among the pre-school set.

In a few weeks, we’ll celebrate my daughter’s 3rd birthday. Although that’s one Chuck E. Cheese rat race we aren’t caught up in, the pressure is still on to produce one great party.

Whatever happened to cake and ice cream in the back yard? It’s become as passé as the bell bottoms I was wearing at my 8th birthday party.

That party, by the way, was my most memorable.

My mom’s friend made me a 3-D birthday cake in the shape of a panda bear in a red wagon. I had invited everyone in my 3rd grade class, and, to my parents’ surprise, the entire 4th grade. Nearly every one of them showed up, causing my dad to make a last-minute run for more ice cream. We ate BBQ chips and ran around the yard until we collapsed on the swing set with a glass of grape Kool-Aid. It was the birthday I remember most fondly, and I’m sure it didn’t cost my parents more than the equivalent of $50 in today’s terms.

You can barely get a cake for under $50 anymore. Then there’s the location rental, along with the myriad of themes and options from face painting to magic shows, not to mention the invites, decorations, food and gift bags.

Would you like to have all your little guests for a tea party, complete with mini sandwiches and china teacups? Or maybe they’d all like to build their own stuffed animal, or learn gymnastics tricks, or bounce around in giant inflatables. They can make arts and crafts, play soccer or see a play at the Derby Dinner Playhouse. There’s a business out there guaranteed to make your child’s dream birthday party come true, for a price.

I expected such birthday bash invites to start arriving, around kindergarten. But while we celebrated Ava’s first two birthdays at home with a few family members, we were attending her friends’ more elaborate 1st and 2nd birthday parties.

Does birthday etiquette dictate that we reciprocate? And how do you narrow down the endless guest list of family, playgroup friends, classmates, church friends and neighbors? Does a party without goodie bags make you a cheapskate?

Like the rest of our parenting decisions, all of which seemed so easy before we had children, I will learn the art of birthday throwing like everything else I’ve learned in the past three years — via on-the-job-training.

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MOD MOM: Hoping for a return to the backyard birthday

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