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March 19, 2008

HUTSELL: March Madness will change any man

By MIKE HUTSELL

I’m a geek when it comes to the NCAA tournament. I make the full-fledged breakdown of the matchups one-by-one and then claim I have all the inside information in the world. I’m the type of geek that every office has and most co-workers can’t stand being around.

I spent my Sunday like most American men, in front of the television, drooling about the quality of high-definition television, filling out a bracket and texting my friends about all the reasons why Cornell is a better upset pick than Siena.

It was only for a moment, the brief period of time when I overheard my girlfriend and her mother in a conversation breaking down whether eharmony.com was the better choice over match.com in finding her next man, that I stopped to take any notice of the outside world.

That’s was not nearly enough to stop me though. I had brackets to bust, 5-12 upsets to find and Final Four sleepers to identify.

It all leads up to today, the single greatest day of any given year — the very first day of the NCAA tournament.

I’m not kidding — the moment the first ball went up for tip-off at approximately 12:20 today, it changed people’s lives.

I’m not trying to be dramatic either. March Madness will make a mail-room clerk a modern day “Jimmy the Greek” in every office pool in America.

Even more impressive is what it will do to me.

These next few weeks will make Mike Hutsell a better person.

Don’t believe me — here’s how.

People always joke that production goes away during NCAA tourney time, but I’m using the next three weeks to make myself a better employee.

My boss is always interested in budgeting and invariably trying to get me to follow suit.

No problem, I’ve already earmarked 72 hours over the next four days for full-scale couch potatoing.

I’ve found a 13-hour window in which I may do actual work (assuming of course there’s no upsets pending anywhere) and then there’s an obligatory time to rest — time during which I’m sure I’ll be burning up cell-phone minutes with my college buddy Bob complaining about a bogus no-call in the UCLA game, how bad Indiana is, and high-fiving over Davidson’s impending run to the Sweet 16 round.

And March will also make me a man of principle.

Instead of allowing myself three meals a day at my favorite riverfront establishment (the one that rhymes with “Shooters”), I will take a hunger strike until Kentucky loses, this I vow. I will pray on everything holy that Duke gets dropped early (because it’s the right thing for America), and I’ll promise that I will try to try not to say anything too mean about Tyler Hansbrough at any point during his 36-point, 25-rebound, 17-of-17 from the foul-line effort against Indiana (only because my niece likes him, look I’m even becoming a better uncle here people).

A better worker, a better person, a better family man.

Thanks March Madness — I couldn’t have done it without you.

Contact Mike Hutsell at mike.hutsell@newsandtribune.com.

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