> SOUTHERN INDIANA — I just spent a long weekend in a cabin with four young grandchildren and witnessed more territorial disputes than have been seen along the Indo-Pakistani border.

No sooner than one child would get off the couch, another would move in, triggering pandemonium when the sibling returned and began vocally protesting. I suppose with four kids in the family, finding a good spot to watch cartoons can be frustrating and since they were unfamiliar with the seating layout of the cabin, they had to work out their new spots through trial and error.

Robin McClure, author of six parenting books, says that kids often fight for the silliest reasons that seem illogical to adults. She says that siblings in particular “fight over the most mundane issues,” such as where to sit. In the days before mandatory seatbelts, I remember fighting with my older brother over where to sit in the family car. If I “called dibs” on the front seat he would just ignore me and push me aside. If we both had to sit in the back, he never honored the sacred middle of the seat boundary line and was always infringing on my territory, often treating me like I was a pillow.

I suppose wanting your own “spot,” “seat” or “position” isn’t so uncommon, even among adults. In living rooms, classrooms and even theaters people often stake out a particular seat or place. In the 1970s television show “All in the Family,” much was made of Archie Bunker’s favorite chair, that no one else was allowed to use. Most families can readily identify with this phenomena and Archie’s chair became so iconic that it’s still on display at the Smithsonian National Museum of American History.

A person’s spot is typically related to comfort, convenience and, at times, social status. Actor Jim Parsons plays quirky physicist Dr. Sheldon Cooper on the television show “The Big Bang Theory.” Cooper insists on always sitting in the exact same place on the couch and when asked what’s so great about his spot, he explains, “In the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm, and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer, it’s directly in the path of a cross-breeze created by opening windows there and there. It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation, nor so far wide as to create a parallax distortion. I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point.” Not everyone is as articulate as Dr. Cooper but most of us have our reasons even if they are unconscious.

 I have learned from watching numerous Jane Austin movies [Yes, I’m that pathetic] that in Regency England, one’s position in line to be seated for dinner was strictly determined by rigid social etiquette regarding age and marital status.

Seating disputes have even changed the course of American history. In one of the more infamous examples of how seating is related to social status, Montgomery, Ala., passed a city ordinance that required bus passengers to be segregated by race. In 1955 Rosa Parks was arrested for refusing to yield her seat to a white passenger, sparking the Montgomery bus boycott and creating a lasting symbol of the U.S. Civil Rights movement.

Seating and position has also been studied in the workplace. Forbes Magazine writer Carol Kinsey Doman says that in business settings, seating is an important aspect of how businesses achieve collaboration. She suggests that occasionally you should intentionally mix up seating arrangements to discourage participants from “taking sides,” which can happen when factions group together on opposite sides of the table. She also encourages controlling seating arrangements so that peoples are at right angles or side-by-side in order to encourage conversations and the development of relationships.

According to Doman there are two power positions at every conference table. The first is the chair at the head of the table facing the door. The second is what she calls the “visually central seat” which is in the middle of the table on the side that faces toward the door. Studies have shown that people who sit at the end of the table in a jury room are much more likely to be elected foreman than other jurors. Also, people seated in the visually central position are much more likely to be seen as leaders. Doman believes that eye contact may be the critical factor involved, since people in these power positions have the ability to maintain eye contact with the most group members. She acknowledges that sitting in one of the dominant chairs can boost your authority, but warns that it can also “stifle collaboration.” She suggests sitting elsewhere, if you really want to be perceived as a member of a collaborative team.

Some consultants suggest that in business meetings it is best not to sit directly across from your boss at the other end of the table, as this creates the perception of being oppositional. Also, sitting at the edge or away from the table tends to marginalize both you and your input and brands you as an outsider.

Over time people adopt a favorite spot and often carry it into new situations. In most classrooms or auditoriums I’m an upper right-hand side man, although I tend to sit behind the railings in these new stadium-style movie theaters, so I can put my feet up.

In church I never like to be closer than the fifth or sixth row and probably like sitting in the very back the best, along with all the other late comers. I guess I’m afraid of being pointed out as a bad example to the youth.

When I was trained as a counselor I was told to seat my clients in a chair beside my desk so that the desk didn’t create a barrier, or intimidate them. I remember the first client I ever saw for counseling. He was a tall sullen and angry adolescent, who had problems with authority and I have to admit he intimidated me. As we went into my office, I told him to have a seat anywhere he felt comfortable and gestured to the chair beside my desk. He immediately plopped himself down behind the desk and into my personal chair. I never made that mistake again. I can’t have anyone sitting in my spot.

— Terry L. Stawar, Ed.D., lives in Georgetown and is the CEO of LifeSpring the local community mental health center in Jeffersonville. He can be reached at tstawar@lifespr.com. Checkout his Welcome to Planet-Terry blog and podcast at www.planetterry.wordpress.com.