> SOUTHERN INDIANA —
The football fan in me wants to be respectful of Joe Paterno’s coaching career. I want to bow my head and say a quick Hail Mary for his achievements and for all the young men he led to numerous gridiron victories.
But the 5-year-old girl in me — the one who was sexually molested when she was too young and too frightened to understand what was happening to her — doesn’t care about the Penn State football program. She’s confused. She can’t imagine why any adult wouldn’t do everything they could to stop the victimization of innocent children.
Hindsight is always a luxury when you have it.
Looking back on the events that led to the sexual abuse charges against former assistant coach Jerry Sandusky, it’s impossible to imagine what circumstances kept so many so silent. Joe Paterno, assistant coach Mike McQueary, Penn State’s athletic director and the University’s senior vice president of business and finance all were in positions to do something. Anything.
But they failed.
Instead, they slapped Sandusky’s wrist and went about their days without a word to authorities. And now, one of the greatest college football coaches in NCAA history will be remembered under the shadow of a shameful and horrific sexual abuse scandal.
Many would say, “It’s over. Paterno is gone and there is nothing he can do now.”
But it’s not over; children will continue to be abused. Predators are everywhere. One thing I learned when I started talking publicly about my abuse was that there are a lot more survivors out there than I could have imagined. Time and time again, friends, colleagues, columnists and complete strangers came out of the blue to tell me, “… me too.”
After giving the keynote speech at the 2010 annual fundraiser for The Family and Children’s Place, several women approached me to tell their stories. One, a prominent female professional in Louisville, caught me off-guard.
“I was molested when I was a child,” she said, “I’ve never told anyone, not until right now. I’ve never admitted to being a survivor.”
I understand — on the most primal level — why victims remain silent.
But, for the life of me, I have no comprehension what would keep any adult, especially one in an authoritative position, from doing everything they could to stop someone from sexually abusing children.
What if Joe Paterno would have spoken up? What if he would have said, “This stops now,” and not shut up until Jerry Sandusky’s criminal behavior was investigated? Would anyone have criticized him for standing in opposition of an alleged child molester?
Yes, Penn State’s reputation may have suffered a black eye, but the amount of damage to the school and the coach’s reputation would not have compared to the dramatic outcome of their silence.
Here’s another thing I have learned about the abuse I suffered: It wasn’t the secret surrounding my abuse that caused the majority of my emotional distress and pain throughout the years, it was the keeping of the secret that did the most damage.
Things have a way of getting found out. The bigger the secret, the more likely it will manifest as something more harrowing than it already is. Just because you don’t discuss something, doesn’t mean it’s not there.
If Paterno and all the other officials looming over Penn State’s appalling secret had busted it wide open, would the reverberations from the secret have been as devastating? Would the University’s reputation have taken as big of a hit? Would the football program have suffered as much as it has? Would alumni and financial backers second-guess future donations?
Would Paterno have been able to keep his stellar and unblemished record, not only as a top-notch coach, but an admirable and noble man?
We’ll never know. The Penn State sexual abuse scandal will mark the university for years to come. Jobs will be lost over it. Fundraising will be affected. Recruiting will be harder.
None of these consequences will compare to the struggles of the young victims who were molested while grown men looked the other way. They are the real heroes of this story now. They are the ones who broke the silence and said, “This happened to me.” They are the ones who finally stopped Sandusky from abusing any more young boys.
My hope is that their voices will stop others from keeping more secrets.
— Amy Gesenhues is a freelance writer and syndicated columnist for CNHI. You can read her daily commentaries at www.AmyWroteIt.com or email her at amy@amywroteit.com.
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