>>SOUTHERN INDIANA — “We stand today at a crossroads: One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice.”

— Woody Allen on Elections



With the May Primary just around the corner I know people will once again be asking me for whom they should vote. I know some people think I am very astute regarding politics. Sure I know many politicians. Yes, some are eventhe type of people I wouldn’t mind very much if they married my sister. But, there is no real scientific method to figure out the best candidates. I thought I would offer up some strategies, guidelines, and methods touse in choosing your next commissioner, councilperson, or school board trustee.



Eenie-meenie-minie-mo!

This is a tried and true method that has been around a long time. I remember using it for many important decisions when I was a young child — such as which candy bar I should buy or who I should choose to play on my team as a captain. If it was good enough for things precious to me as a child, why not use them for something as trivial as voting as an adult? Due to political correctness one of the rhyming patterns some people I know used in those days is surely obsolete. I always wondered what version minority kids used to use when picking with this method.



Alphabetical Order

When using this voting method, pick random letters out of a hat and try to make them correspond to the first names of available candidates. For voters who really want to spend the time and be serious about their vote, the more sophisticated Scrabble voting method can be utilized. Draw letters until you can spell one of the candidate’s names.



Apple Doesn’t Fall Far From The Tree

My dad always voted straight Republican/Democrat/Independent/Communist Party!



Heads or Tails

While some think the flip of a coin is a fifty-fifty chance method, in a statistically large sampling the head side is actually a bit heavier than tails therefore it’s more like a sixty-forty outcome. So a natural bias exists in the order of assigning heads or tails to the candidates between whom the choice must be made.

The Multiple Choice “C” Answer

There is an old wives tale that when taking multiple choice tests that the answer C is the best choice when you don’t know the answer. No help in a two candidate race. There is also choice D — none of the above.



Separation of Church and State

I am never comfortable when political candidates want to beat the drum for their religious convictions. It has been my observation that there is nothing holy about politics and that anyone who really wants to live a morally sound and devout life should stay as far away from politics as one can get.



Little Orphan Annie/Andy

My least favorite campaigning gimmick is when a candidate parades their family in campaign/commercials/slogans/ photos, etc. It’s always hokey. So many candidates want to flash their family members all over the place during campaigns yet want to vehemently complain they are off limits after the election. Stalin and McCarthy both had nice families.



I Know You Are But What Am I?

If you go negative in a campaign before your opponent, I will vote for the late bloomer. If both candidates are overly negative, I will simply vote for a minor candidate if one is available or I might just leave that particular race ballot blank. Usually in such a contest both candidates eventually convince me neither one of them is a good candidate or person.



Beverage of Choice

This is a relatively new voting method: Tea Party Candidate, Coffee Klatch candidate. What about a Jim Beam Party?



Be An Informed Citizen!

There is one other method that I often use. I talk to candidates, study their voting record andpast history, and try to ask people with whom they had served while in office. When this method doesn’t work for a particular race, I refer to one of the other methods.



Blind Mice

If none of these seem to work for you, I would simply close my eyes and pick one. But, follow the rules and don’t peek!



Look for the Dodd’s Odds column for my handicapping of the May primary on May 2, the Sunday before the May 4 election.

Lindon Dodd is an Otisco resident who is a freelance writer and can be r eached at lindon.dodd@hotmail.com